Maybe. Mostly I just really need a public rant.
So my life has flipped over thirty times over in the last year and a half.
My parents separated, my dad and my mom now have new people. My ‘step-dad’ now lives with me my mother and my grandfather. I don’t like him. My mother has not asked me about any of her choices which may sound weird, but I think it’s a common curdosy to at least ask someone if they’re okay with some random man they’ve met twice can move into their house. My mother is now with child. I barely talk to my father, and my grandfather and I have begun to grow apart. I’m going to be forced to move out of the house I love by the end of the year, into an apartment where I’m officially putting a break that’s been accumulating for a year between my mother and I, as I will not be living with her and her fiance.
I started college at an all girls school. So far I have had more roommate problems and friend problems than I can count. But those are not worth enumerating. But I’m stressed because of school.
I’m also stressed because of money because while at school I have been unable to find a job and I have been informed over and over again that my only sources of being able to ask for money are both strapped for cash and honestly it sounds like they can’t afford me- again. Cause this happened a lot when I was younger. I got shoved onto my grandmother and grandfather because my mother couldn’t afford me. So I feel the finical burden that I am. I also feel as though I have not been able to pull as much of my weight as I’d like to in my business. I literally feel helpless like I can’t do anything in both of these situations. Oh and I have to go to France next year for my major.
I also ended a two year relationship on what I thought were good terms, then the guy turned into a jackass, who accused me of cheating on him, with another ex. He’s begged me to tell him what went wrong, then after I asked him not to contact me for the third time, he sent me another email about how he was sorry for being an asshole and how he was trying to fix himself which sounds to me like I’m going to get another email in a few months asking for me back. So I had to completely sever ties with a boy that I thought had been a wonderful person and who was my best friend for two years. And I keep finding his shit, or shit he gave me. But I guess that’s life. Now I’m staring my kryptonite in my face, and watching myself from a far fall straight into a trap, and I know that I’m going to do it no matter the warnings against it. In case your wondering, my kryptonite is a guy, an asshole. Don’t most of us have one of those?
In the past year, I’ve also had to stop dancing, due to money. And at school am unable to do most of my releases, and litterally the ground I walk on doesn’t feel right to me because it isn’t the ground I’m accustomed to. I feel so disconnected to my goddess and I’ve had like six crisis of faith. I’ve also started smoking. And now I have friends that do weed. And I don’t know how to handle that. I don’t know how to handle a lot of things. I really just want to leave, get out of here, and never look back sometimes. Then reality sets in, and I wind up curled up in a ball on my bed, on pinterest trying to forget reality exists.
So that’s what’s been up with me. How are you doing?